for the love of benji

In Indianapolis, the parents of a young high-school student have stirred up quite the little controversy over their objection to the use of The Kite Runner in the freshman English curriculum. The Indianapolis Star reports:

"The Kite Runner" does not make the cut for Tom and Julie Shake, who want to protect their Lawrence North High School freshman from what Julie Shake calls "edgier" literature. The parents have thrown their school district into a tizzy over the novel's use in freshman English classes.

The book, published in 2003, about two boys in different ethnic groups in Afghanistan, focuses on betrayal of friendship and redemption.

Julie Shake has no problem with those themes. But the accountant and mother of three does not approve of the "very violent" scenes, including the rape of a boy, and occasional "vulgar" language.

"The point is timing," she said. "Is this age-appropriate? Is this the best youth literature available? We believe for 14- and 15-year-olds, there are better choices."

It seems to me that the Shakes are limiting themselves with this crusade of theirs. Sure, we've all known for years that controversial novels could stir up all sorts of trouble-making youth-type behavior. But I think we're missing the real Big Bad here. Age-appropriate fiction is all well and good, but what about age-appropriate non-fiction? Are we really going to spend all this time kicking The Kite Runner off our shelves only to subject our children to the very violent and vulgar facts of non-book-based reality?

Friendship, independence, patriotism, faith - these are the things that history should pass on to the next generation. But, as it turns out, history is actually full of war, rape, and pillage. And current events are, too - who knew! We need to protect our children from history just as much as we need to protect them from best-selling, award-winning "debut novels" like The Kite Runner.

Just like Tom and Julie Shake, I believe that there are better choices.

Unfortunately, most colleges still have vague sorts of history requirements, so we can't just up and stop teaching history. And it would probably be pretty expensive to make new textbooks, and who has time to research that sort of thing anyway. So okay, we might not be able to change history, per se. Unless, of course, we work for the government. Censorship is just so hard these days.

But even so, I do think we can make it a hell of a lot more kid (and parent!) friendly.

Here's what I propose: puppies.

That's right, puppies. Who doesn't love a cute little puppy? I know I do. But history is surprisingly lacking in puppies, which is one of the reasons it's so damn scary for children these days. So all we have to do is add more puppies, and we'll be set.

Just look at how harmless history can be:





So adorable. Especially that last one.

With each passing day, it's getting harder and harder to protect our children. Where once we had stakes and pyres, now we have school boards and civil liberties. We have to adapt. We have to change.

We have to add puppies.