Billy Bathgate (1991). Dustin Hoffman, Nicole Kidman. Bronx youth and legendary gangster. Well played but unsurprising. (R) (A, L, V) (CC) (110m) ENC, 1:15 a.m.
Jersey Girl (2004). Ben Affleck, Liv Tyler, George Carlin. New York music publicist gains daughter, loses job. Blatantly icky. (PG-13) (A, L) (CC) (105m) ENC, 6:15 p.m.
King Arthur (2004). Clive Owen, Keira Knightley, Ioan Gruffudd. The true Arthur and his knights, mere shadows of their legendary selves. Pompous and glowering, but with an element of brawny camp. (PG-13) (A, L, V) (CC) (130m) WAM, 6 p.m.
The Butterfly Effect (2004). Ashton Kutcher, Amy Smart. College student time-travels to revisit childhood traumas. Staggeringly bad, with a genuine spirit of cruelty. (R) (A, L, N, V) (CC) (115m) STARZ, 11:05 p.m.
Knock Off (1998). Jean-Claude Van Damme. Hong Kong business partners tangle with villains. More action than sense. (R) (A, L, V) (CC) (105m) TMC, 8 p.m.
Johnson Family Vacation (2004). Cedric the Entertainer, Vanessa Williams. L.A. couple and three unruly children on road trip to Missouri. Cramped and bumpy. (PG-13) (A) (CC) (105m) HBO, 12:15 p.m.
Tombstone (1993). Kurt Russell, Val Kilmer. Earp and Holliday, yet again. Overloaded with psychological baggage. (R) (A, V) (CC) (135m) ENC, 8 p.m.
Godzilla (1998). Matthew Broderick, Jean Reno. Giant mutant lizard wreaks havoc on New York. Big beast, little movie. (PG-13) (V) (CC) (140m) SHO2, 9:10 a.m.
capsule reviews from the new york times television supplement that could easily be adapted to describe men I have dated
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7 comments:
heheh...
btw, you should consider submitting this to mcsweeneys. this is something they might post (with some minor tweaking).
Aw, that's sweet, but McSweeney's is way too cool-for-school for me - if they were to publish a list of mine, I'd just walk around all day waiting for the pig's blood to fall.
And, also, I'm pretty sure that the title would need to be substantially longer in order for this to qualify.
(Names have been changed to protect the innocent.)
Lawrence: "So I chatted a bit with Ann earlier."
Beth: "Did you?"
Lawrence: "I told her she should submit her latest post to McSweeney's."
Beth: "Indeed?"
Lawrence: "It does follow their format. To some degree. With the list thing."
Beth: "Yes."
{a pause occurs}
Beth checks Ann's blog comments
Beth: "Oh! So you're "randomguy"??"
Lawrence: "Hell no. I talked to her way before that."
Heh.
i am randomguy. i do not know the author of this blog or any of her friends, or if i *do* know them, i am not aware i do (if that makes any sense). i highly doubt i do though, as no one i know has a blog (or at least openly admits it). regardless, i only discovered this blog via the gawker link and the SATC piece. bottom line: i'm a complete stranger, and i think you should try submitting it to mcsweeneys because: 1) it immediately struck me as something mcsweeneys-like; 2) you have nothing to lose; 3) though i liked the piece, i think it needs a little tweaking/fine-tuning, but maybe they would advise you about making it more mcsweeneys-like (e.g., we'll print it if you change/rework "X"; 4) i hate to be guilty of hipster heresy but mcsweeneys is not all that; i like the site and read it regularly, but some of their pieces, IMO, are just lame/tedious/not funny/facile exercises in hipster irony; why not even try? just because you think they're too "cool"? ugh. 5) even if they do print you, they pay you nothing; sooo... what do you have to lose?
(no, i am not your mother/family member.)
Despite my liberal use of profanity, I'm actually something of a shy bird. It's not that McSweeney's (for which I share your measured affection) is too cool, per se, but rather that I am, for the most part, content to remain hidden away in my internet oubliette.
Until, that is, I quit my job, at which point I will emerge from my monotony-induced chrysalis and become ... I don't know, probably a moth or something. But I'll certainly up the moxie.
I mean it, though, I really do appreciate the suggestion.
(And, frankly, it's terribly lucky for you that you're not related to me. I'm much more fun when there's no shared DNA involved.)
I think that Elizabeth had already done her fair share of "tweaking" before she wrote this post.
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