a picture worth a thousand words

Until today, the only things that came to mind when I thought of the Sony BRAVIA were paint and superballs. And, possibly, the niggling fear that I pay entirely too much attention to commercials.

I am happy to say, however, that I can now round out that list with one final item: total fucking fuckwittage.

Behold, from the official site:


I, for one, wasn't aware that there had not yet been, in the whole history of television, a model of TV that men and women could agree upon. But apparently Sony did, and they decided that the only way to successfully market a television to men and women was to write two sets of separate, gender-appropriate copy - copy that displays much of the keen sociological insight that makes, say, today's situation comedy so darned provocative. (Men never put down the toilet seat! Women never stop nagging about men never putting down the toilet seat! Hilarious!)

Here are my favorite examples, so as to spare you the pain of sitting through the introductory video or navigating through the not-at-all user-friendly site. I dare you to figure out which quote refers to which gender.

On Broader Color Spectrum:

"BRAVIA uses Sony Wide Color Gamut Cold Compact Florescent [sic] Light (WCG-CCF) to display a color spectrum larger than conventional CCFL displays."

"Deeper reds. Distinctly more vivid greens. Clearer blues. That awy [sic], the next time you escape into your favorite prime-time soap, even if what you're watching doesn't reflect real life, your television's color will."

On Slim Design:

"Translation: This is one killer-looking television. Enough said."

"With its slim design and stylish look, it only steals your eye when it's on. If only the same could be said for his football lamp."

On Amazing Picture:

"Men want a picture that never lags. And the lightning-fast refresh rates of BRAVIA deliver just that, putting men right in the middle of the action."

"Whether it's a romantic comedy or an 18th century period piece, BRAVIA LCD TV will deliver detail so amazing, you'll be able to make out every rose petal."

I AM NOT MAKING THIS SHIT UP.

I'm not sure what upsets me more - that somebody thinks that this might work, or the possibility that it will.