fish of babel

Today a friend of mine received the most astoundingly charming email from a prospective writer. It makes me love online language translators just a little bit.

How are you?

It forgives me for the confusion in the text, is that I do not say English, then I used an electronic translator pára to write it.

I was very difficult to obtain its contact. Therefore I ask for that it gives only some minutes to me of its attention.

I need an opinion of a qualified professional as you.

I finished to write my first book and would like to publish it. The fact is that Brazil is not a good market, nor so little has so qualified professionals how much in the United States to analyze a work.

Of form until innocent I believe that my book has a good tram, well I am amused and as a loving father, I would say until he does not lose in nothing for best-sellers as "The Big Needle" or "Possession". Good this in my opinion.

But my opinion does not count, I need somebody that really understands of success, and know that this person is you, therefore I am asking for its aid.

I do not know the correct form to present the work, therefore I am sending a synopsis to it of the book.

Now, for gentility, before playing this correspondence in the garbage, he considers the hypothesis to read the annex. After to read, then, you will be certain of that I do not know to write, or that I can improve, or even though who knows, exists the possibility to publish what I wrote.

I trust its opinion, moreover, I do not intimidate myself with critical, am opened to recommence everything of the zero to rewrite everything I will be myself necessary, to sacrifice me and to give everything what I have until my work of certain. However I cannot sail the blind people. Necessary of a route, and he is this that I am asked for you.

Debtor for its attention.

I wait anxious, a reply.

It's hard enough to pitch your work in your native language - I can only imagine the guts it took to plug this into a translator. Frankly, I think he deserves a shot based on chutzpah alone. If only everyone else were so willing to take a shot at getting a language so gloriously wrong.

But the real question is this: what the hell is "The Big Needle" a garbled translation of? Any ideas, Portuguese-speakers?

I wait anxious, a reply.