the five stages of new jersey

1. Denial

Okay, so I'll make it to Jersey City by 9, then I'll take the Holland over to the Battery and will totally be back in Brooklyn by 10 ... traffic seems a little slow, but I'm sure it'll clear up.

2. Anger

What the fuck is this? The left lane is fucking closed? And who the fuck are all these people, anyway? Shouldn't they be at home? It's fucking 10 o'clock on a fucking Sunday and I've been fucking sitting here for twenty fucking minutes and for the sweet holy LOVE, what the FUCK is holding us up - IS THAT A FUCKING VESPA?

3. Bargaining

Maybe the Lincoln Tunnel will be better.

4. Depression

I'm never getting across this river. I'm never getting back to my home or my friends or my television. I'm never getting back to New York. I am stuck here. I am stuck here forever. But I don't care. I don't care about anything but sleep. Because I can't feel my feet. Or my soul.

5. Acceptance

Which means I'll fit right in. (More)